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I use reason and logic most of the time.  The only time I don’t, use reason and logic, is when I am following my gut feeling.  Often my gut feeling will suggest I do things that do not make sense.  My gut feelings come from an unlimited place far beyond reason and logic.  That means they do not translate in common sense.

So far following my nonsensical gut feelings has not harmed me.  But that does not mean that I am not filled with self-doubt.

Is this the best moment of my life?

“Of course it is!”

Who said that?

“I did.  I’m your self-doubt.”

I did not know that my self-doubt could talk.

“You don’t know a lot of things.”

Okay, if this is the best moment of my life, then why are you here?

“I want to share this wonderful moment with you.  Why not accept me as I am?  Why not accept that I am always with you?   Accepting me will not stop you from putting one foot in front of the other and going forward.”

But I want certainty that I am doing the right thing.

“If you aren’t, then you will find out.  You must trust the process and be flexible.”

My self-doubt is telling me to trust the process?

“Why not?  Now let us enjoy the best moment of your life.”






I try to stay open to signs and synchronicity in my life.  Does everything that happens have meaning?

I am walking down the street.  I trip, but do not fall and get to where I am going with no injuries.  Is this a sign that I will get to where I am going, with my life, but I will stumble along the way?

Several weeks ago I thought about my friend Freddie Feldman.  We grew up together, and I haven’t seen him since Ugg invented the wheel.  Freddie just popped in my head for no reason.  Nothing involving Freddie has happened since I thought about him.  I do not have the urge to find him.  So, why did I think about Freddie Feldman?

This was not the case with one of the three wankers who frequent the library, and get their aerobic exercise while sitting at a computer.  I thought how I had not seen one of them for a long time.  Did he die of a heart attack?   Was he in jail?  Was he in the hospital with severe case of repetitive strain injury?  Within the same day of me thinking this, I saw him in front of a computer getting his exercise.  (How the librarians don’t notice the wankers is a mystery.  Perhaps they do notice, and pretend not to.)

What was the message behind this synchronicity?  What was The Universe trying to tell me by having me see a wanker just after I thought about him?

“You think too much, and don’t trust enough.”

Probably.  You would know being a voice in my head.

“Trust, and go along keeping yourself open.  Insignificant things may happen.  Trust that if there is a message you need to know, we will make sure you know it.”

Okay.  Thanks.



People like Kenny Conservative (see previous blog) do not trust themselves.  They fear listening to that Still Small Voice inside.  They have trouble expressing their feelings.  They always look outside themselves for guidance and answers.

My father was like that.  He used to ridicule me for expressing what was inside me.  “What the hell do you know?” he asked.  “Who the hell do you think you are?”  I soon learned not to trust or express my feelings, and to think the authority outside me was wiser than The Authority inside me.

It has taken many years for me to undo what I learned, and trust myself.  What a journey learning that The Authority inside me, the Wisdom of the Ages, is wiser than any human authority.  And I am still learning, growing.  It is an ongoing process.

People like Kenny and my father do not allow for growth.  Fixed beliefs gives them security.  Allowing for growth means uncertainty, insecurity.  Better to have fixed beliefs and listen to a human authority figure .  It is safe that way.  There are no risks.

I will not pretend that I do not long for certainty and security.  I will not pretend that following my Inner Guidance is always pleasant and fun—especially when I barely have enough money to buy food.  But I trust my Inner Guidance knows why I need to experience what I am going through.  My Inner Guidance sees the big picture.  I see only the brushstrokes.  And as much as that Still Small Voice appears wrong to human reasoning, I listen to it because I know it comes from a place beyond human reasoning, beyond human thought.

Am I stupid or courageous?  The answer depends upon your beliefs.  Kenny says that I am stupid.  Other people have told me that they admire my courage.   Perhaps I am stupidly courageous.

No matter what, I will listen to that Still Small Voice.   It knows better than I do what is good for me, and the highest good for all.