The other day I wrote how older men stare at me in the shower at the YMCA. Yesterday, a younger man stared at me. He looked like Frankenstein except he did not have the bolts in his neck and the green skin. He did not stare with lust in his eyes like the older men. He had that blank Frankenstein stare.
Frankenstein never moved his head. He followed me with his eyes. His face remained blank. When I looked at him he looked away. Then he would resume staring at me once I looked away. He stood motionless, with the shower water hitting his back, staring at me. His eyes followed me when I finished and walked to the towel-drying area. Again, he would look away when I looked back.
What the hell was Frankenstein thinking while he stared at me? Did I remind him of an electrical wire? A dark lightning bolt? A chocolate bar? Who knows?
The National Security Agency (NSA) intercepted some information. The NSA passed this information to the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). The CIA passed the information to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). The FBI passed this information to the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS). CSIS passed this information to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP). The RCMP passed this information to the Toronto Police Service (TPS). TPS passed this information to the North York Centre Security Guards.
What was the information that the NSA intercepted? Someone will plug his or her computer or cell phone into a wall plug at the North York Centre Food Court.
What vigilance the North York Centre security guards have! They patrol and check the food court wall plugs every five to ten minutes to make sure no one has plugged in a computer or cell phone.
I once asked a security guard why you can’t plug in a computer or cell phone. He said in a deep authoritarian voice, “It’s against the regulations. Plugging something in could mess up the electrical system.”
Funny how you can plug in Frankenstein to charge him in a plug in the North York Central Library, in the North York Centre, but plugging a computer or cell phone in any plug outside the library “could mess up the electrical system.”
There are no statistics on how many people the security guards catch plugging in computers and cell phones. Since the world has changed since 911, the security guards should keep statistics. The security guards should also hold a press conference every time they catch someone attempting to mess up the North York Centre’s electrical system by plugging in a computer or cell phone.
I have written before how security guards are people who, for some reason, cannot be police officers. Security guards, or as I like to call them individually Sherlock, have to satisfy their great wish to fight evil and save the world. They do this by being zealous in their space-guarding-mall duties, and by making everything a big deal. Often there is not a lot of evil going in the space in malls, but that does not stop our crime-fighting Sherlocks from finding crimes—great crimes. And sometimes, just like police officers, they focus on something minor missing the major stuff that needs their attention.
Today in the North York Centre washroom, a man smoked and drank beer. Where was Sherlock?
On other days, I have seen drunks smoking and drinking in the passage from the North York Subway to the North York Centre. Where was Sherlock?
And on other other days, I have seen drunks passed out on the floors in various places in the North York Centre. Where was Sherlock?
I do not know where Sherlock was at the times I saw the above occurrences. I have seen Sherlock lecture students on plugging their cell phones and computers in the electrical outlets of the North York Centre. “Using these electrical outlets is against Mall Regulations,” says Sherlock. (Funny how the North York Central Library is part of the North York Centre, and you can freely use the outlets in the library. I have even seen Frankenstein charge himself at the library.) I have seen Sherlock lecture people for putting their bags in certain places such as window ledges. And last Saturday, Sherlock accused me of “loitering” because I was talking too long on my cell phone.
It’s nice to know Sherlock is out there, somewhere, fighting the forces of evil.