Too Much Information

 

The following gives too much information, but it solves the male-female-toilet-seat-up-down issue, and makes for a cleaner bathroom.

 

I used to be able to pee straight, but even then pee would often splash from the toilet water on to the toilet seat or floor.  And sometimes a piece of lint would get stuck at the tip of my whatchamacallit causing the pee to come out in two different directions completely missing the toilet bowl.  As I have aged, my aim has gotten worse causing me to constantly wipe up pee on the toilet seat and floor.

 

Enter The Pee Bottle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It does not matter whether it is an actual pee bottle, a small plastic pitcher or an empty laundry-soap jug.  I pee into a pee bottle, which in my case happens to be a plastic pitcher, and dump it into the toilet.  Of course, I rinse out the bottle and dump the water into the toilet before flushing.

My aim does not matter when I use a pee bottle.  No pee gets on the toilet seat, the bathroom floor or the walls or the ceiling.  Also, the toilet seat can stay down for any women using the same bathroom.

The pee bottle solves several problems, but I was amazed at the resistance from several male friends who scoffed at the idea.

“I’m not gonna piss in a bottle!” said one friend. “That’s what toilets are for.”

“That’s a stupid idea,” said another friend. “I don’t mind wiping up the seat and floor if I miss.”

I do not understand what the big deal is. Is it not considered macho to pee in a bottle?  I do not like cleaning, so anything I can do to make cleaning easier I will do.

So there you have it, another Johnston Helpful Household Hint that came with too much information.

WAITING . . .

The Universe
Is a prison cell
Where I sit
Waiting for death

***

“What?   What the hell are you thinking?”

You should know.  It came from you.

“Not me.  I’m not responsible for such darkness.  Are you thinking suicide again?”

No, but those words came into my head as I was falling asleep.  I saw my place shrink into a prison cell.  And then I thought how I was waiting for death.

“Oh.  Perhaps your subconscious could use a good cleaning.”

And how do I do that?

“You can do it yourself, or there are companies you can call.”

Perhaps there are subconscious-cleaning companies where you come from,  but I have not seen any advertising their services here.

“Well then you can do it yourself.”

How?

“Through creativity – writing, drawing, dancing, singing, etc.  Creativity is good therapy.”

Well?  I wrote, Waiting . . . 

“True,  you did.  And then you tried to blame it on me.”

So, it’s all mine?  You and the other voices in my head  had nothing to do with it?”

“That’s right.  It’s all yours.”

But where would such darkness come from?

“Good question.  But don’t worry about the answer.  Just get busy cleaning your subconscious.”