Author Archives: Gary Johnston
We here in Ontario, Canada, are lucky. Our newly elected Conservative government has only one problem to solve: too many councillors on Toronto City Council. Premier Doug Ford, leader of the Conservatives, has solved all the other problems that plagued the province prior to him being elected. Since being elected, Premier Ford eliminated Ontario’s debt; he reduced taxes; he brought the price of a bottle of beer back to a buck; he eliminated poverty and homelessness; he stopped the opioid crisis; he solved all the Aboriginal land issues in Ontario and improved conditions on reserves; he reduced gas and electricity prices; he addressed the gun and gang violence; he improved public transit; he improved healthcare by reducing waiting times; and, finally, he eliminated unemployment. The only problem he has not solved is that there are too many councillors on Toronto City Council.
From the Manitoba border to the west, the Quebec border to the east, Hudson Bay to the north and the U.S. border to the south, all Ontarians worry about the number of councillors on Toronto City Council. This is the only thing they worry about. It is the first thing they think about when they awake and the last thing they think about before falling asleep. And since Premier Ford is for the people, he is urgently trying to solve this problem so all the people of Ontario will stop worrying about the number of councillors on Toronto City Council.
Premier Ford will stop at nothing to resolve this issue quickly. He will even use Section 33 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to override a court decision which declared his reduce-Toronto-City-Council legislation unconstitutional. It is an urgent issue, and he must solve it as soon as possible.
Ontario will have no problems once Premier Ford reduces the number of councillors on Toronto City Council.
Way to go, Premier Ford, way to go!
People do not listen to me after inviting me to dinner and asking me what I want to eat. Food is not a big deal for me. If I could live without eating, then I would. But since I have to eat, then I like to keep my meals simple as opposed to mixing everything with everything else. The simpler my meals, the easier they are to digest. Also, if I keep my meals simple then they do not end up in my pants. Eating complex meals does not give me much time between having to go, and going. I have lots of time between having to go and going when I keep my meals simple.
The following is a typical conversation involving a dinner invitation. The speakers change, but the words stay pretty much the same:
“Gary, what would you like for dinner?”
“Rice is fine.”
“What else besides rice?”
“A bowl of rice is fine. Whatever dishes you are making with the rice, just set some rice aside for me.”
“You can’t have just rice. You have to have something with it.”
“Water. I’ll have a glass of water with a bowl of rice. Remember, I am not visiting to eat. I am coming over to see you.”
“I know, but you can’t have just rice and water.”
“But you asked me what I wanted and I told you, and now you’re telling me that I can’t have it.”
“Because you need to eat more than rice. I have this wonderful vegetarian recipe for goula-goula-boula rice. It’s got lentils, tofu, tomatoes, onions, carrots, celery, spaghetti, potatoes, garlic, honey, apples, raisins, chickpeas, grapes, chocolate, and cherries. Doesn’t that sound yummy?”
“It does, but you don’t have to go to all that trouble.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“Okay so make it for everyone else, and just set aside a bowl of rice for me before you mix it with everything.”
“No, you can’t have just rice. You’ll love the goula-goula-boula rice, and that is what I’m going to make.”
This is why I do not like dinner invitations. The hosts always ask me what I would like to eat, and always ignore my simple answers insisting I eat some fancy-schmancy meal. The meal is tasty, but anxiety stops me from enjoying it. While eating the fancy-schmancy meal I keep thinking, “I hope this doesn’t make me shit my pants. I hope this doesn’t make me shit my pants.”
Stella Watson (Stella.Watson@diplomats.com) sent me an e-mail:
Your Email Address has won you a Prize of $4,500,000.00. Dollars. In Yahoo & Microsoft Yearly Promotion. Please Contact Mr. Richard Glyn. to claims at Email: email@example.com [sic]
I don’t know Stella Watson or Richard Glyn. I could use $4,500,000.00. With 4.5 million dollars, I could buy some gasoline and, perhaps, still have some money left over for groceries.
I sent Stella Watson a reply and copied Richard Glyn:
Dear Stella Watson:
I appreciate you taking the time to send me a scam. I receive many scams, and yours is one of the best.
Unfortunately, your scam does not suit my intelligence at this time. However, I am growing old and feeble-minded. Please do not hesitate to send me another scam, in the future, should you think that I might fall for it. Thank you.
I googled diplomats.com. It is an unsecured website about scams. Surprise, surprise.
Dad would occasionally bring us surprises that he picked up on his way home from work. He never wrapped these surprises. He would say, “Stand by the stove, close your eyes, and hold out your hands.” Then he would place the surprises in our hands. Usually, the surprises were candy or small toys.
Why the stove? Where did Dad get the idea to have us stand by the stove? I never thought to ask him, or my mother, before they died. Did my grandparents make my parents stand by the stove to receive surprises?
My father was in a dream I had the other night. I do not remember what the dream was about. I asked my father where he got the idea for standing by the stove. He said that he got the idea from “_____________” and gave a man’s name I had never heard before. I did not remember the name upon waking.
So, I don’t know where Dad got the idea from. Perhaps he thought it up himself. I like this idea. When I go to someone’s home to give him or her a surprise I say, “Stand by the stove, close your eyes and hold out your hands.” And I feel the joy my father felt as he watched our faces light up when we opened our eyes.
Imagine a concert with Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, and Patti LaBelle singing songs together. That will never happen now.
Imagine a show with Robin William, Jim Carey, and Howie Mandel improvising together. Again, it will never happen.
(It’s still possible for Tina Turner and Patti LaBelle to do a comedy show, and Jim Carey and Howie Mandel to sing songs at a concert.)
No disrespect to Aretha Franklin, but the world did not end when she died. Yet the media would have us believe that the music industry is finished because of her passing.
It was the same when Robin Williams died on August 11, 2014. (Has it been 4 years already?) And it’s the same when any famous person dies. The media go on and on and on as if the world won’t go on.
As the old saying goes, “The cemeteries are full of people the world could not do without.”
I once read about a man who communicated with an elf. The elf could not understand why the man had books. The man explained that the books were for knowledge. The elf said that the books were not necessary because all knowledge was available from within.*
Many times I have received knowledge from within—even for simple practical purposes. Recently, I was not sure how to do certain functions on my cell phone. As a fumbled about, the right things to do just came to me. All I knew about cooking quinoa was the two-to-one water-to-quinoa ratio. I did not know how to cook it and was unable to get online. I followed knowledge from within and later discovered that it was the same as the instructions online. Wow!
The above are just two recent examples. There have been many including spiritual wisdom and guidance coming from within.
Trusting knowledge from within strikes fear in those who need black-and-white instructions from outside authorities. These people do not trust themselves, and they do not trust Nature. They would never do anything without the rigid rules from an expert. They plan everything with no room for improvisation. To each his or her own.
I love not knowing and then discovering things on my own! It’s like the thrill of a roller coaster or jumping from a plane. It’s scary, but fun.
I love books, but I agree with the elf that they are not necessary. Oh, the treasures that await us when we access the knowledge from beyond by going within.
* I am not sure, but this story may have been in The Magic of Findhorn by Paul Hawken
On October 17, 2018, Canada will legalize marijuana. Here’s a quote from the Liberal government’s election platform:
“To ensure that we keep marijuana out of the hands of children, and the profits out of the hands of criminals, we will legalize, regulate, and restrict access to marijuana.”
The government already regulates and restricts access to alcohol. Has this stopped underage drinking? Has this stopped people from profiting from the illegal sale of booze?
The government already regulates and restricts access to tobacco. Has this stopped underage smoking? Has this stopped people from profiting from the illegal sale of cigarettes.
Why doesn’t the government give the real reason for legalizing pot?
“We envy criminals who make lots of money from selling marijuana, and we want a piece of the action.”
If the government honestly believes that legalizing marijuana will keep it away from children and stop criminals from profiting, then smoke has clouded the government’s thinking.
I received a text on my cell phone:
Gouv Canada: There was money missing on your last tax refund, claim the funds at: http://validation-s3cure.info/%233hz [sic]
This link is a “Deceptive Site.” Deceptive sites are designed to get you to reveal personal information such as passwords or credit card numbers.
Nice fucking try! The government can keep the money and use it to investigate scams.
Unfortunately, I deleted the text before making note of the telephone number.
“Where do words come from?” That question popped into my mind when I awoke from my afternoon nap today. I was not sure what to blog about and asked for inspiration before my nap.
I remember part of the dream I had during my nap. This dream had something about me taking a memory course. That’s all I remember. Then I awoke with the thought, “Where do words come from?”
Here’s what I think:
Words are ideas, but ideas are not always words. So, words come from the same place that ideas come from.
At the center of the Universe is the Idea Generator. The Idea Generator runs on creativity of which there is a never-ending supply. The Idea Generator transmits ideas throughout the Universe just like radio waves. This is why two or more people can have the same idea thinking that they’re being original. They do not realize that they tuned into the same radio station as the others who received the same idea.
So, words are ideas, and ideas come from the Idea Generator at the center of the Universe. Thus, words come from the Idea Generator at the Universe’s center. You won’t need a memory course to remember this.
I love shaving! I used to hate it until I started using a shaving mug and brush. What fun using the mug and brush to whip up a rich lather! What pleasure applying this rich lather to my face and head! Every time I shave I feel like a little boy playing with his daddy’s shaving stuff.
There is one thing I love about shaving and I don’t know why. I love looking at the clumps of hair and lather floating in the sink each time I rinse my razor. The bigger the clumps, the more I love looking at them.
The only thing I don’t like about shaving is when I have to empty the sink. How sad to see the clumps of hair and lather disappear down the drain. But, how comforting to know that soon I will have to shave again.