Monthly Archives: December 2017
Santa surprised me! I received gifts for Christmas that I was not expecting. According to some people, I have not been a good boy because I am not doing what they think I should be doing. They know better than my gut feelings what is best for me. They judge me as stupid for following my gut feelings. It’s okay for me to follow my gut feelings as long as my gut feelings agree with what these people think I should be doing. They say, “Your gut feelings are wrong and don’t make sense.”
There is a Wisdom beyond logic and human understanding. This Wisdom often cannot be understood, but it can be experienced. Understanding is not needed to experience it, and the experience is beyond words.
My gut feelings do not make sense because they come from a place beyond words, beyond logic and beyond human understanding. They come from that Wisdom, and have caused me to experience some of that Wisdom.
The people who judge me as stupid for following my gut feelings are terrified to follow their own. They always look outside themselves to outside authority rather than listen to that still small voice inside. These people say, “If it can’t be proven by logic and science, then it is nonsense.” Words spoken in fear, methinks.
Imagine trying to judge the Wisdom of the Universe by human logic, human understanding and human science! That’s like a grain of sand judging all the beaches in the world.
I am not enlightened, but my gut feelings have brought me to a place where I feel spiritually abundant. From the time I was a teenager, thoughts of suicide used to lurk over my shoulder. I would always consider suicide as a possible option to solve whatever problem I was facing. Following my gut feelings has brought me to a place where suicide is not lurking anywhere. Now, I would never do myself in. I want to live. I enjoy every moment of my life—although there are times when I forget that I am enjoying every moment of my life.
My critics dismiss me when I tell them how following my gut has brought me to a place of spiritual abundance. They say, “How can you feel abundant when you don’t have a permanent home?” But their words and judgment cannot take away from my gratitude for the abundance in my life.
I am grateful for Santa’s gifts, but more so I am grateful for my spiritual abundance. I give thanks and I give thanks and I give thanks. Amen.
Judging by the facial expressions of my fellow public-transit travelers, you would never know that it was three days before Christmas. I did not see one happy face. They all had such tired and stressed-out looks. These people are thinking about all the work they have to do in order to have a Merry Christmas.
I hope those who wanted a White Christmas are happy. We got lots of snow, and there’s more on the way.
Instead of snow for a White Christmas, why not white sand? White sand on a beach with the hot sun blazing away. Doesn’t that sound like a nice White Christmas? Who needs snow? Santa Claus? No. He and his sled, with reindeer, fly. It does not matter what is on the ground.
I would wish you a Merry Christmas, but you will choose to have the kind of Christmas you want to have no matter what I say. Choose wisely.
No one stopped the world. Public transit is still overcrowded and has delays. Christmas is still coming. And my high-school buddy left his body, this morning, for a better climate.
Did you have to come so close to Christmas, Death? Your timing sucks. Couldn’t you have waited or not have come at all?
“Waited for what? I’m just doing my job. Besides, there is never a good time for me to come no matter how long I wait. You mortals don’t want me to do my job.”
You’re right. Can we continue this discussion when you come for me?
Do you know when that will be?
Can you tell me?
I thought you would say that. Can you let my friend know that I am grateful for his friendship and wish him well on his journey?”
I’m feeling out of sorts. I was feeling euphoric after my last blog on Friday. I always feel euphoric after I write something, but the euphoria had started to fade yesterday.
I couldn’t visit my high-school buddy, who has cancer, for a week because I had a cold. I had a cold because my immune system was down. My immune system was down because I was stressed out. I was stressed out because of the constant delays and overcrowding on public transit.
Delays and overcrowding used to just happen during rush hour. Now delays and overcrowding happen all day. All day! I don’t know why the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) can’t fix this. I let the delays and overcrowding get to me, and caught a cold.
And then there’s Christmas. I am not in the Christmas mood, but I am going through the motions.
Yesterday, I felt I was okay to visit my buddy. I found out that he is at a stage where he is no longer receiving visitors.
Stop The World – I Want To Get Off
Those words came to me upon finding out I couldn’t visit my friend. It’s the title of a musical.
I want to get off the world for a bit. When I get back on I want the TTC to have fixed the delays and overcrowding; I want Christmas to be over, and I want my high-school buddy to be up and about and telling people how he almost died from cancer.
I like to think of myself as a human being who happens to be black. Frequently I am reminded, by hateful stares, that I am black and only black and that’s that.
Racism is pinned on white people. It’s as if only white people are racist. Racism is a human problem. All human beings can be racist, but white people are blamed for all the racism in the world. Racism is overlooked when it comes from a non-white person. There’s a double standard.
Several East Indian cashiers, at the two grocery stores I frequent, always give me hateful stares and will go out of their way to make things difficult for me. I try to avoid going to them, but sometimes I can’t.
The cashiers’ treatment and hateful stares reminded me that Gandhi, India’s great leader of freedom, was a racist. He saw black people as “savage.” My, my, Gandhi’s image has been whitewashed.
The other morning, I got on the elevator at College Park. An old white woman (Eastern European?) and an East Indian man got on with me. Both gave me hateful stares. I stood between them. To my right was the old white woman staring at me with hatred. To my left was the East Indian man staring at me with hatred. I turned and smiled at both, but they kept their hateful stares. (I am known for bringing out the best in people.) I was only going one floor, but it was a long elevator ride.
How wonderful that people from other countries come to Canada and bring their racist views with them. This is what allows Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to say, “Diversity is Canada’s Strength.” And I experienced an example of Canada’s diversity by having a white woman and a brown man hate me at the same time.
Why is the U.S. media obsessed with what goes on in Canadian politics? Americans were glued to their seats watching the U.S. media report on the four by-elections in Canada. The Liberals won three of the four elections with the Conservatives winning one.
U.S. media coverage of Canadian elections overshadowed a recent election in Alabama. I’m not sure who won.
And what’s with the U.S. media covering everything Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says and does. Trudeau can’t even go to the bathroom without the U.S. media reporting on how long he took and how much toilet paper he used.
If American politics wasn’t so boring, then the U.S. media would report on it instead of being obsessed with what goes on in Canada.
How easy for me to notice when other people cause their own problems. They self-sabotage. Some people will ask me for advice, argue with me when I give it to them, and then ignore it by choosing another course of action. The action they choose always makes matters worse for them. Then they whine and blame other people for the trouble they caused themselves.
These people are on a merry-go-round of self-sabotage. Round and round they go. They will come to me again to help them out of problems they created. They love drama and will go to great lengths to create it and wallow in it.
It took me awhile, but I’m aware of what they are doing. I don’t always get on their merry-go-round when they come to me for help. Besides, I am busy causing my own problems so I can complain and blame and wallow in my pain.
The more I look at other people, the more I see my self. How nice of these people to act as a mirror for me.
Here is what the Next Vehicle Information board looked like at the Sheppard West Subway Station on Saturday December 9, 2017, at 7:54 p.m. When working, this board gives the bus routes and times the buses are expected to arrive. Obviously there was some problem with no information showing.
Is the hashtag indicative of what the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) thinks about its customers when TTC equipment malfunctions?
WARNING: SEXUAL LANGUAGE
When I started going to the YMCA, I was fresh meat. All the older gay men stared at me. As time passed, their staring stopped as they learned that I was straight.
But one man has continued to make sexual comments to me that make me feel weird, but the comments are funny. I will call this man Steve which is not his real name.
In order to see the humor what I am about to tell you, you have to remember that Steve always walks around the dressing room naked. He is not ashamed of his body. It’s almost as if he is advertising, “Here I am! You can have me.”
A few weeks ago, Steve came up to me while I was shaving in the washroom. Naturally, he was naked. He leaned towards me and whispered loudly, “Hey Gary, wanna see my dick?”
When I stopped laughing I said, “No, not today Steve. Maybe tomorrow.”
Several times since then he has said, “How about today, Gary? Wanna see my dick?”
I laugh when he says it, and when I think about it. I am laughing now as I write this.
Today, I was in the shower room alone when Steve came in. He immediately started singing “As Time Goes By” from Casablanca. I was naked! He was naked! And he’s singing a love song to me! Weird, but funny!
Another man came. Steve stopped singing and said to the man, “I’m just singing a love song to my boyfriend.” The man shook his head and laughed.
Steve likes to see how far he can go. He knows I’m good-natured. And, as I have mentioned before, I am proud that I am well-adjusted and not threatened by homosexuality.
Today at 11:35 a.m., Santa Claus boarded the southbound Yonge subway at College. With him was his helper handing out candy canes, and two transit security officers.
Seeing Santa on the subway was not as amazing as seeing two transit security officers. I thought transit security officers only existed in posters on subway walls for me to look at when I am in danger. But there they were, two transit security officers protecting Santa as he walked down the train spreading goodwill.
Not once, while Santa was on the subway, was there a delay. Not once! How strange to have the subway move from station to station without stopping in the tunnel because of a delay . . .
“Attention TTC Customers: We are currently experiencing a delay while workers build new subway tracks. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.”
Thanks to Santa, I got to where I was going in good time. I wish Santa took the subway more often.