I want to learn everything, but hold back doing so. Part of me feels safe with the knowledge I have. This part is afraid of change. If I let this part rule me, then I would not be learning how to factor polynomials, and solving equations and inequations.
It’s like my relationship with writing. I resist writing, but love doing so once I start. I resist learning new things, but love doing so once I start. And after I start writing and learning, I always think, “Look how much fun this is! Why did I procrastinate?
You would think that I would remember that writing and learning are fun. You would think that I would remember that I rob myself of pleasure when I procrastinate. You would think that I would remember that my thoughts about how painful writing and learning will be are always false. But I don’t remember. I resist and make excuses for not writing, and not learning before I actually start to write and start to learn.
Too bad I wasn’t married. I could blame my wife for my irrational behavior instead of having to take responsibility for it.