Creative brooding. I love this term! I first came across it as a book title many years ago. I would love to read this book again, but it is brooding in one of 150 boxes of books in storage.
I like to use creative brooding for my unpredictable desire to be alone for a while.
This is why I avoid relationships. It is not fair to my partner for me to suddenly shut down. I shut down, crawl inside my head and stare off into space. It could be at a wall. It could be out a window. Perhaps I am not staring at all. Many times my eyes point a certain direction while I am inside my head looking around and brooding over whatever I find.
Silence. Solitude. Creative brooding.
Being single means that I can creatively brood when the mood strikes without guilt or explanation. It also means I don’t have to answer the question, “How long are you going to be by yourself?” I can’t answer because I don’t know. I never know when my head will say, “Okay that’s enough. Get out.”
Family, friends and past partners do not understand that my creative brooding has nothing to do with anything they said or did. Once I have explained that to them, they lecture me. “It’s not good for you to be by yourself. You should learn to be with people.” The idea of being with other people, or even another person, all the time makes me think of that hot place where some people believe we go for an eternal time-out because we broke some rules.
I have tried several relationships with women who were creative. They understood my need to be alone, but our timing was always off. They wanted to be with me when I needed to be alone, and I wanted to be with them when they needed to be alone. Being on my own allows me the freedom to enjoy, silence, solitude and creative brooding when I feel the need.