Monthly Archives: January 2017

Driving Myths

Recently I drove with my daughters in the car.  Both screamed at me for changing lanes within an intersection.  The car ahead of me had stopped to make a left turn. I passed it on the right after safely changing lanes.  I was still within the intersection when I did so.

“You broke the law!” screamed one daughter.

“You can’t change lanes in an intersection,” said the other.  “It’s illegal.”

I said that I had never heard of this law and was knowledgeable when it came to traffic laws. My daughters ridiculed me for being old and not knowing what they knew.  They took great pleasure in going on and on and on about it.

Part of the Highway Traffic Act, an Ontario statute, deals with traffic laws.  There is nothing is the Highway Traffic Act about changing lanes within an intersection.  The only law about changing lanes is that a lane change must be done safely.  The onus is on the driver making the lane change to make sure that it is done safely.

When we got to where we were going, I went online to check about lane changes within an intersection.  I discovered that a lane change within an intersection was just another driving myth.  I had never heard of this one.  The other two driving myths mentioned were how it’s illegal to drive with no shoes on, and illegal to drive with no shirt on.  These two I had heard of and believed until I studied the Highway Traffic Act.

How nice it would have been if my daughters had said, “Gee, Dad, we’re sorry for doubting your great wisdom and experience.”  Yes, that would have been nice.  But when I showed my daughters the information proving them wrong I was quickly cut off.

“See?”  I said. “Changing lanes within an intersection is a driving myt—-”

“Okay. Okay,” interrupted one daughter. “You don’t have to go on about it.”

More Important To Do Than To Do Well

 

It’s been 11 days since my last blog.  I feel as if I have forgotten how.

“It’s simple.  Take baby steps.  Write one word after another.”

But I don’t feel like it.

“The best time to do something is when you don’t feel like doing it.  Doing it makes you feel like doing it.”

But I still don’t feel like writing.

“Keep writing.”

I am, but I’m afraid because I’m not sure where I’m going.

“Feel your fear while you follow the words.”

I think this is it.  No more words to follow.

“Not bad for someone who didn’t feel like writing.”

But what I wrote is not all that good.

“Perhaps, but it is more important to do than to do well.”

When I First Moved Out . . .

A lot of young adults still live at home with their parents.  I couldn’t wait to move out to get a place of my own.  I moved to Vancouver, British Columbia, to pursue a girlfriend.

My mother had taught me how to sew and do laundry.  She had not taught me how to cook. The only food I knew how to prepare was baloney sandwiches.  I had cereal for breakfast, and baloney sandwiches for lunch and dinner.

I started to tire of baloney sandwiches after three weeks.  I decided that I should cook good food.  My idea of good food was a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs.  So I went out and bought a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs.  I got home.  I took out a pot. And then?  And then I discovered that I did not have a can opener.  One more night of baloney sandwiches.  The next day I bought a can opener thinking how I did not have to worry about having a can opener while living at home.

Over the years my cooking skills improved, and so did my definition of good food.

Northern District Daycare?

I am breathing at the Northern District Library while they renovate the North York Central Library.  Who are they?  The people working for the company owned by a relative of some high-ranking city bureaucrat.  You know how it works . . .

“We have lots of money left over in this year’s budget.  If we don’t use it, then we won’t get as much money for our budget next year.  What will we do?”

“I know.  I have a relative who owns a renovation company.  Let’s use up the money renovating the North York Central Library . . . “

But I digress.

Unlike the North York Central Library, the Northern District Library is only one floor.  That means that the Children’s Section is close to every other section.  All day parents arrive with their babies, tots, toddlers, mud puppies and rug rats to use the Children’s Section.  It’s like a daycare!  But all you hear are babies crying and children whining.  Where is the laughter? Where is the children’s laughter?

I enjoy silence, but the sound of children’s laughter electrifies the air.  It’s inspirational!  So far, no laughter.  Lots of crying and whining, but no laughter.

Does that say something about human nature?  Lots of crying and whining with no laughter.

Here’s something to laugh at.  I’m whining about too much whining.  How ironic!

David Royce

 

David Royce was like a cousin to me.  Our fathers were best buddies in the air force, and continued their friendship long after World War II.  I called David’s parents Uncle Jack and Aunt Curly.  David called my parents Uncle Chic and Aunt Minnie.

David was six years older than I was.  David’s younger brother Ricky was three years older.  Age makes a difference when you are young.  I must have been a pain in the ass to David and Ricky, but they never let on.

We saw the Royces twice a year:  in the fall for their annual corn roast, and on New Year’s Eve.

For a lot of family outings, my father had to force me to go.  I never wanted to go.  But I would always have a good time when I got there, and then I never wanted to leave.  This always exasperated my poor father who would say, “I don’t understand.  I had to force you to come here, and now I have to force you to leave.”  Dad never had to force me to go to the Royce’s.  I always looked forward to going.

David used to give me piggybacks.  What fun!  David always made my visits fun.  If it wasn’t giving me a piggyback, then it was generally kidding and horsing around.  I suspect that my visits were more fun for me than they were for David.

I don’t remember how old I was when Aunt Curly and Uncle Jack separated and divorced.  The corn roasts and New Year’s Eve parties stopped.

David went on to become a teacher.  He was a good teacher.  I know that he was good with kids.  I believe he taught Grades 5 and 6, but I am not sure.  I am sure that his students missed out in that he never gave them piggybacks.

I last saw David several years ago.  He and his wife Maureen were doing their part to support the arts by having me over for dinner. David’s cancer was in remission then.

On Saturday January 7, 2017, David finished his job here and went shopping at that Walmart in the sky.  He likely won’t spend too much time shopping before he gets a job at some celestial school bringing the joy of learning to young souls.

Thanks for the good times, David.  Have fun shopping and Happy Teaching!

Reluctant Self-Promotion

 

I have never been good at self-promotion.  Self-promotion is not a strong point with creative types.  I even felt anxiety over writing this blog because of my reluctance to promote myself.

My unwillingness for self-promotion comes from a lack of confidence and self-doubt.  My father’s voice, in my head, does not help.  My father has been dead 12 years, but I still hear him in my head saying, “Who the hell do you think you are?  You can’t write!  You’ve got no talent. You’re just a piece of horse shit we scraped up off the road.”  My father meant no harm when he said these things to me while he was alive.  He did not know that his voice would live on in my head long after he had died.

I have a Facebook Page on which I post humorous quotes, this blog, and another blog.

https://www.facebook.com/funnybonetechnician/

http://funnybonetechnician.blogspot.com

Only one family member and some friends LIKED my Facebook Page.  Most family members and friends, for whatever reasons, refuse to LIKE my Page.  My daughter’s boyfriend said, “I wanted to LIKE your Page, but your daughter told me not to.”

The people who have LIKED my Page sometimes LIKE a post and comment on how great the post is.  Also, people have told me in person, “I look forward to checking out your Page.  I love your writing.  You’re so funny!  You make me laugh.”

I am grateful for a post-LIKE, and a comment stating how great the post is, but better than a comment is a SHARE.  How puzzling that people don’t SHARE the posts they LIKE and find great.  People need not comment on the post’s greatness if they SHARE the post.  SHARING the post indirectly tells me that people thought the post was great.

I understand that people may LIKE a post, but not like it enough to SHARE it.  That’s okay.  I do not understand when people LIKE a post, comment on how great the post is, and do not SHARE it.  Are they worried what others will think?

No one needs my permission to SHARE my posts.  Feel free to LIKE and SHARE.  LIKING and SHARING help to promote me.

Figuratively speaking, I am building a better mousetrap.  The world will beat a path to my door.  Once this happens, my ego could grow as large as a shopping mall.  But I’m not worried about having an inflated ego.  It won’t happen.  My father’s voice will keep me humble.

 

 

 

A Short Talk With Creativity

 

“Creativity?  May I talk to you?”

“Sure.  What’s up?”

“How come you’re not around me all the time?”

“I am, but you don’t notice.”

‘Really?”

“Yes.”

“But sometimes I sit down to create and I am blocked.”

“There’s no such thing as a creative block.  Ideas surround you wherever you are, and everything flows.  How can a creative block exist?  It’s your perception, which may include a fear of failure, that causes you to think that you are blocked.  If you remember this, and proceed while feeling your fear, then you will never be blocked.  I am always with you.”

“Thanks.”

Self-Doubt

 

clouds

“Self-doubt?”

“Yes.”

“Come in!  Come in!”

“What?  You’re not upset to see me?”

“Why would I be upset?”

“You were before.”

“That was before, but not now.  You’re part of my creative process.  That makes you part of me.  Why get upset over part of me?  Why not embrace part of me?  Come in.  Sit down.  Make yourself comfortable.  Stay as long as you like.”

The Moon’s Phases

 

I spent several hours writing the dates and times of the 2017 Moon Phases in my date book and programming them into my cell phone.  The Moon’s Phases have always fascinated me, and I like to know when they will happen—especially the New Moon.  Each New Moon is a time of renewal and a new beginning just like a new year.

We have no Blue Moons in 2017, but we have a Black Moon on August 21.

A Blue Moon has two definitions:

  1. The third Full Moon in a season with four Full Moons, or
  2. The second Full Moon in the same calendar month.

A Black Moon also has two definitions:

  1. The third New Moon in a season with four New Moons, or
  2. The second New Moon in the same calendar month.

The third New Moon for the summer happens on August 21 during a Solar Eclipse.  It will be a Partial Solar Eclipse in Toronto, Canada, but a Total Solar Eclipse in parts of the United States.

A penumbral lunar eclipse happens on February 10.  The Moon will pass through the outer part of Earth’s shadow.  Apparently, it is hard to distinguish between a Full Moon and a penumbral lunar eclipse because the Moon passes through the Earth’s outer shadow. This only makes the Full Moon not as bright.  (That sounds like some people I know.)

I don’t know why I feel the need to know and record the dates and times of the Moon’s Phases.   Perhaps it’s the lunatic in me.