Officialdom will tell you, “Carrie Minnie Johnston died on November 10, 2002 and not November 9th.”  That’s because her death certificate says November 10th.

We mortals cannot assume death.  Only divine doctors, who know everything, can pronounce someone dead.

Ma collapsed and died at about 10:00 p.m. on Saturday November 9th.  The ambulance attendants knew she was dead.  We knew she was dead, but only a doctor can pronounce death.

The coroner arrived at Ma’s home in the wee hours of Sunday November 10th.  He took a quick look at Ma lying on the floor, and decided that a “heart attack” was her cause of death.

No autopsy?  It wasn’t necessary.  Besides, an autopsy might show that the medical profession had screwed up somehow causing her death.  She was on collection of prescribed pills.  (Twenty-plus bottles of pills?)  Could the combined medication have caused her death?  Could what was causing the severe pain in her back have killed her?

We would never know the answers.  The coroner repeated how an autopsy was not necessary.  He pronounced her dead on Sunday November 10, 2002, and listed the cause of death as Myocardial Infarction which is a fancy name for heart attack.

It was official.  Ma was dead.  We mortals thought that she was lying there having a shnanny shnoo so she wouldn’t be tired when she went to Yick.  But now we knew, thanks to a divine doctor, that Ma was dead.

Ma was a big kid.  She had her own childlike language and behavior which she never outgrew.   A shnanny shnoo was her term for a nap.  Yick was Ma’s name for Yorkdale Shopping Mall.  Yick was Ma’s favorite place to shop.  Her second favorite place to shop was Plooz which was the Dufferin Plaza.  Ma would often say, “After my shnanny shnoo, I went to Yick, and then I went to Plooz.”  Dad was Ma’s reluctant chauffeur.

Shnanny shnoo was for naps only.  Ma’s expression for going to bed to sleep was “going up on high.”  I would call and ask, “Where’s Dad?”  Ma would reply, “He’s gone up in high.”

Ma would never call people stupid.  She would say, “They’re clueless.  They need to go to the closet and get a clue.”  Clueless also applied to anything Ma thought was silly or stupid.  Often her review of a movie would simply be, “It was clueless.”

Ma’s would never say, “I told you so” when you found out something that she had said was right.  Instead she would say, “See what I mean to sez?”

Ma’s childlike behavior was inconvenient at times.  During the winter, she loved to kick the chunks of frozen slush from a car’s wheel wells.  It always took longer to walk with Ma down the street because she would stop at every parked car and kick the chunks of frozen slush.

“Ma, you died on November 9th and were pronounced dead on November 10th, but you’re still very much alive.  You’re alive when I have a shnanny shnoo, or go up on high.  You’re alive when I go to Yick or Plooz.  And you’re alive when I kick chunks of frozen slush from the wheel wells of cars.  Thanks Ma.”



About Gary Johnston

I am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.

Posted on November 10, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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