The monster in my bedroom closet came out and said, “I read your blog from yesterday.”

“You did?” I said.

“Yes, and there’s a few thing I would like to tell you.”

“I’m listening.”

“First of all, I know that you are no longer afraid of me because you don’t believe in me.”

“That’s true, I don’t believe in you.”

“But you can see that I am real, that I exist.”

“Yes, but I like being in denial.”

“That’s your choice.”

“So, what else do you want to tell me?”

“We don’t eat children and other people.  You and your brother feared that the monster in the closet would eat you.  It would never happen, but we monsters love it that children think so.  It makes our job easier.”


“Yes, we monsters work for Fear Incorporated.  It’s a huge corporation with offices throughout the Universe.  Our job is to keep people, whether adults or children, afraid.  Fear is energy.  Many beings, including us, feed off this energy.”

“So the monster in our closet would never have come out and eaten us?”

“No, but the fact that you and your brother believed so generated so much more fear.  It is better for us to have people think we want to eat them.  Besides, all the monsters I know eat pumptice.  There could be some monsters who eat people, but I have never met them.”


“It’s an imaginary food that grows on everything including walls, clothing and closet doors.  It even grows in the air.  It’s free.  You just have to pick it and eat it.  Why not try some?

I picked some pumptice out of the air and ate it.

“Wow!  It tastes like bananas.”

“That’s what it tastes like to you.  Pumptice takes on the taste of the eater’s favorite food.  And no matter what the taste, pumptice is good for you.  So why would we bedroom-closet monsters eat people when we can have pumptice?  And there is so much more pumptice available because of the layoffs.”


Fear Incorporated wanted to increase its profits.  A long time ago there was one monster per bedroom closet, but Management laid off many monsters leaving the remaining monsters 5 to 10 closets each to attend to.  Can you imagine how hard it is for we monsters having 5 to 10 closets to scare people from?  We spend most of our time rushing from closet to closet with little time for scaring people.  Naturally this has affected the quality of the fear, but Management does not want to hear that.  Management calls any monster saying so “negative” and “not a team player.”  They expect us to keep the same quality of fear with less monsters having more closets.  That’s impossible even in the Imaginary World.”

“The same thing happens with companies here in Reality,” I said.

“Yes, I know.  Fear Incorporated got the idea from Reality.”

“The Imaginary World gets ideas from Reality?  I thought it was the other way around.”

“It works both ways.”

“Is that so?  Thank you for this information.”

“You’re welcome.  Now I wasn’t going to ask, but would you do me a favor?”

“What’s that?”

“I have 9 other closets besides yours.  Would you pretend that I am in your closet all the time and become afraid?  That way I won’t have to be here.  It will be one less closet that I have to worry about.”

“Sure, I’ll do that.”



About Gary Johnston

I am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.

Posted on August 14, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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