I have four teeth left.  People ask what happened.  I say, “My goal in life is to be white trash.  I can’t change my skin color, so I had most of my teeth removed.”

The truth is most of my teeth joined ISIS.  They terrorized my mouth.  They threatened to harm me, and possibly kill me.  Captain PullThemOut, a super hero, saved me.  He got rid of the terrorists, but left four teeth on the bottom.  These four teeth were pacifists.  They carried pictures of John Denton and sang, “All we are saaaying, is give teeth a chance.”

I see how easy it is for women with big bajumbas to notice where men’s eyes go while talking to men.  I see people’s eyes, when they talk to me, sink down to the devastation in my mouth.  Then they slowly make an “Ewwwww!” face.  The four teeth are not as nice to look at as big bajumbas.

I’m not sure when I will get dentures.  I hope it is before I die.  I don’t like the idea of not being able to chew gum, to help pass the time, while lying in my coffin.

I am getting my dentures through the University of Toronto School of Dentistry.  It’s cheaper because dentists supervise students who do the work.  Their work is good, but they take ages to do anything.  Even snails have complained, “The U of T School of Dentistry is too slow!”

The bad things about having four teeth are that I am not nice to look at, and I can’t chew.  The good things, about having four teeth, are that my dental floss and toothpaste last longer.


About Gary Johnston

I am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.

Posted on May 6, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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