What’s with me attracting nutbars?  Is it my new aftershave lotion called Padded Cell?

Yesterday at 6:30 p.m., I got off the front doors of the Faywood 104 bus which had stopped on Dufferin Street south of Finch Avenue West.  At the same time a short pudgy man, wearing all black clothing and big black sunglasses, got off at the back door.  (The sun had set at 4:40 p.m.)

The man started shouting at me, “FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!

“What did I do?” I asked

“FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!” he replied while lunging at me.

Being a person who does not believe in violence, and a coward as well, I moved away from him.  I wanted to cross to the west side of Dufferin, to get to where I was going, but the red traffic light stopped me.

Mr. Roly Poly kept screaming, “FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF!  FUCK OFF! . . . ”

Were these the only two words he knew?

“Yes, sir!  I’m fucking off, sir, as soon as the light changes, sir!”  I said.

This was not good enough for Mr. Roly Poly.  He lunged at me several times violently screaming the only two words he knew.  No one has ever expressed such violence towards me in shouting only two words.  He wanted to kill me.  The red light took forever to change.  Perhaps the higher road should have been to keep my mouth shut, but I felt the need to strike back.  I blew him a raspberry.

He charged at me!  The light changed and I crossed the road—quickly I might add.  He remained on the east side of Dufferin shouting his two-word song.  I felt safe on the other side of Dufferin and blew him another raspberry.  He charged at me, by trying to cross Dufferin, but the traffic stopped him.  He gave up and started walking north.

I made a mental note to stop using Padded Cell aftershave.


About Gary Johnston

I am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.

Posted on December 13, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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