“DON’T GET ME ANYTHING.”
The last time I was in a relationship was during the Precambrian period. My partner’s birthday was approaching, and I had no idea what to buy her. It seemed logical for me to ask her.
“Don’t get me anything,” she said. “Let’s just go out for dinner.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes. Don’t get me anything. We’ll just go out for dinner.”
Her birthday came, and we were almost finished dinner at one of her favorite restaurants.
“So,” she said, “when are you going to surprise me?”
“Surprise you with what?” I asked.
“Don’t play stupid. My gift. When I are you going to give me my birthday gift?”
“I didn’t buy you a gift.”
“You’re kidding. C’mon, where’s my gift?”
“I asked you what you wanted, and you said not to get you anything; that we would just go out for dinner.”
“Are you serious? Tell me that you’re not serious.”
“I am serious. I did not buy you anything because you told me not to.”
“Well, I know I said not to buy me anything, but at least you could have bought me something.”
From that point on it was not a happy birthday for her, and I was in the dog house for some time.
All this took place billions of years ago, but to this day I have yet to understand her logic.