REFLECTIONS ON MY MARRIAGE

I never knew that I had so many faults until I got married.  I never believed in flying saucers until I got married.  I never thought I would welcome death until I got married.

I intended to stay single for the rest of my life indulging in a relationship now and again.  Obviously The Universe had other plans.  It was during a relationship that we got pregnant.  I got married out of a sense of obligation and not love.  I liked my wife, but I cannot say that I loved her.  (I like her even more now that we are not together.)

My Faults

I never knew that I did not know how to dress matching the right colors.  I never knew that I did not know how to clean the right way.  I never knew that I did not know how to do laundry the right way.  There was always something wrong with whatever I did.  There probably still is something wrong with whatever I do.  How sad that I do not have someone hovering around me to tell me.

Flying Saucers

I know that at times I am a pain in the ass.  My wife responded to my behavior by throwing dishes and hitting me.  It is good that I only defended myself and did not strike back.   The police would have charged me with assault and put me in jail.

Death

We had a lot of arguments.  Actually, that is wrong.  We only had one argument: it started on the day we married and ended on the day I left.

During our argument–er–uh–marriage, I still had faith in doctors.  I was on my way to a doctor to get the results of a checkup.  In thinking about my marriage, I was hoping the doctor would say, “I’m sorry, but you only have six months to live.”   Then I would say, “Couldn’t you move it up to six days?”

“Marriage helped me to learn a lot about myself.”

I do not regret getting married.  Marriage helped me to learn a lot about myself.  It also gave me material for my standup comedy routine.

I was not the only one who benefited from my marriage.  My marriage helped two divorce lawyers raise their standard of living.

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About Gary Johnston

I am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.

Posted on January 24, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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