REFLECTIONS ON MY MARRIAGE
Posted by Gary Johnston
I never knew that I had so many faults until I got married. I never believed in flying saucers until I got married. I never thought I would welcome death until I got married.
I intended to stay single for the rest of my life indulging in a relationship now and again. Obviously The Universe had other plans. It was during a relationship that we got pregnant. I got married out of a sense of obligation and not love. I liked my wife, but I cannot say that I loved her. (I like her even more now that we are not together.)
I never knew that I did not know how to dress matching the right colors. I never knew that I did not know how to clean the right way. I never knew that I did not know how to do laundry the right way. There was always something wrong with whatever I did. There probably still is something wrong with whatever I do. How sad that I do not have someone hovering around me to tell me.
I know that at times I am a pain in the ass. My wife responded to my behavior by throwing dishes and hitting me. It is good that I only defended myself and did not strike back. The police would have charged me with assault and put me in jail.
We had a lot of arguments. Actually, that is wrong. We only had one argument: it started on the day we married and ended on the day I left.
During our argument–er–uh–marriage, I still had faith in doctors. I was on my way to a doctor to get the results of a checkup. In thinking about my marriage, I was hoping the doctor would say, “I’m sorry, but you only have six months to live.” Then I would say, “Couldn’t you move it up to six days?”
“Marriage helped me to learn a lot about myself.”
I do not regret getting married. Marriage helped me to learn a lot about myself. It also gave me material for my standup comedy routine.
I was not the only one who benefited from my marriage. My marriage helped two divorce lawyers raise their standard of living.
About Gary JohnstonI am an imaginary number -- a symbol used to count and measure. As Senior Imaginary Number at Einstein Equations Incorporated, I facilitate the calculation of the impossible.
Posted on January 24, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged checkup, death, divorce, doctor, faults, flying saucers, lawyers, marriage, pregnant, single, standard of living. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.