IT’S OVER AND DONE WITH
It’s over and done with is one of my family’s favorite sayings. They use it to avoid dealing with issues and their feelings. An issue arises. I want to discuss it to resolve it. “Now is not the time,” they say. (Now is not the time is another favorite family saying.) “Okay, when is the time?” I ask. “We don’t know, but now is not the time,” they say. When I try to raise the unresolved issue at a later time they say, “It’s over and done with.”
I anticipated flak from my family over not participating in Christmas.
“It’s Christmas and you should be with family,” they said.
“But I don’t feel like being with anyone. Christmas no longer has the happy feelings it used to have,” I said.
“Well, you should not feel that way.”
“But I do feel that way. Plus I don’t like the way we pretend that we don’t have issues with each other. We never discuss these issues to try to resolve them.”
“Christmas is not the time to discuss things that are over and done with.”
“Perhaps not, but we never discuss anything. We have problems with each other and we never discuss them.”
“We don’t have problems with each other. We have a problem with you because you won’t let things go. You dwell on the past. It’s over and done with, and you keep bringing it up.”
“But it is not over and done with. You pretend that it is no longer an issue, but I still have feelings about things.”
“Oh, poor, poor baby has feelings about things. Your problem is that you’re too sensitive and you dwell on the past. You shouldn’t be so sensitive and just let things go.”
“I can’t help how sensitive I am.”
“Yes you can. You can let things go.”
“I don’t feel respected around you. I feel that I don’t matter and you don’t care about my feelings.”
“Don’t care about your feelings? Your feelings are wrong because you dwell on the past and don’t let things go.”
“I won’t be there for Christmas.”
“You’re being selfish!”
“And you’re not being selfish by wanting me there?”
“No, because family should be together at Christmas.”
“Have a good time,” I said.
The conversation did not end that way. That was the nice censored-for-a-blog ending. I could have written how the conversation really ended, but now is not the time. Besides, it’s over and done with.