TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF . . .
I can easily criticize another human being’s behavior and get upset over it, and yet think it different when I do the same thing. It is no coincidence that human and hypocrite both begin with H.
Before I was married, I judged harshly men I saw fooling around on their wives. These men would complain that their wives were always cranky and refused to have sex. “That will never happen to me,” I thought. “My marriage will be happy, and I will never fool around on my wife.” And then? And then I got married. My wife was cranky and always yelling at me. Sex? Ha! I remembered how harshly I had judged the unfaithful husbands. It was not right what they did, but it was understandable.
Before I was married, I judged harshly men who killed their wives. And then? And then I separated from my wife. She constantly denied me access to our children violating the court order. How frustrating because my lawyer told me that it was a waste of money and time taking my ex-wife to court. He said, “The courts will crucify a father for violating a court order, but do little or nothing to mothers who do so.”
My frustration grew over the games she was playing keeping our kids from me. This one time, she hung up the telephone saying that I was not going to see the kids. I went to the matrimonial home to confront her. How angry I was! I had never hit a woman before, but was going to do some serious bodily harm. She was no going to stop me from seeing our children. While I was driving, I heard a Voice.
“You’re really angry at her,” said The Voice.
“Fuckin’ right! Bitch! She’s not going to keep my kids from me!”
“So you’re going to harm her?” said The Voice.
“Fuckin’ right I will!”
“Okay, so you beat her. She ends up dead or in the hospital. You end up in jail. Who is going to look after the kids?”
At that point, all my anger vanished with the realization, “Oh yeah. The kids. Who is going to look after the kids?”
The Voice continued, “Not to mention the psychological damage the kids will have seeing their father beat their mother.”
“Oh yeah, the kids . . . ”
No more anger when I thought what was in the best interests of the kids.
I still showed up, but I was calm. She called the police acting hysterical claiming that I was breaking in to beat her. I waited calmly for the police to show up. Naturally I was not arrested because I had done nothing wrong. I explained to the officers how she was trying to deny me access. With the police as witnesses, she could not violate the court order that time.
Although she continued to deny me access after that incident, never again did I ever think of harming her thanks to The Voice.
It’s not right when a husband harms his wife, but it is understandable given all the circumstances.
It was not right for my ex-wife to deny me access to our children, but it is understandable given the depth of her pain. Imagine how much pain she was in not to realize the damage she was causing the kids by keeping them from their father.
I love the words from the song, Put Your Hand In The Hand by Ocean: Take a look at yourself and you can look at others differently . . .