IF MY EX-WIFE HAD BEEN HONEST . . .
If my ex-wife had been honest, then she would have told people how she kicked and hit me and threw dishes at me; that she refused to go to marriage counseling because she did not want to deal with her childhood-sexual abuse issues. Instead she told everyone that I beat her.
If my ex-wife had been honest, then she would have told everyone that I left because I did not know how much longer I could restrain myself from not striking her back, and after our three-year old daughter started kicking me saying, “Look Mommy, I’m kicking Daddy just like you.” Instead she told everyone that I left her for another woman.
If my ex-wife had been honest, then she would have said, “Even though I assaulted him and refused to go to counseling, I was angry when he left me. I got back at him by using our kids. I did everything I could to deny him access to them. I would pretend we weren’t home when he came to pick them up. I would keep them from him at Christmas and Father’s Day. I would never answer his calls when I was home, and would hide the telephones when I was out so the kids would not answer and talk to him.” Instead she told everyone that I never wanted to take the kids, and left them with her all the time.
If my ex-wife had been honest, then she would have told everyone that I chose not to take my share of the matrimonial assets, and paid full child support on top of that choice. She would have said how surprised her lawyer was because usually fathers give up the matrimonial assets in exchange for not paying any child support, or reduced child support. She would have said that I made this financial sacrifice because our children’s living standard would have suffered if I had taken my share, and indirectly she benefited. Instead she told everyone that I never paid her any money; that I was a deadbeat dad.
If I were honest, then I would explore the full depth of my pain and let it go. If I were honest, then I would acknowledge my responsibility in the breakdown of the marriage and stop seeing myself as a victim. Instead I wallow in my pain. Instead I wallow in the role as a victim. Instead I hope that one day the pain will go away, but that I will remain a victim forever.