I was taking my bags out of a grocery cart, at a store, when an old white woman approached me and said, “This explains why I feel superior. Everywhere I look I see niggers.” And then she walked away.
I looked around. I was the only nigger there. I saw lots of white people, from various backgrounds, and Asians, but no black people. I was the only jungle bunny, spear-chucker, coon, little black sambo, mau-mau, baboon, ape, monkey, boog, spook, ace, nignog, darkie, gook . . . (I know, gook doesn’t apply to me, but I claim poetic license because I wanted something that rhymed with spook.)
This old woman looked normal and she sounded normal, too. But obviously she is missing some pre’s from her judices.
My father raised me to see myself as a human being. “You’re a human being like everyone else,” he said. “If you want to see yourself as Canadian or black, then that is secondary. Think of yourself as a human being first, and see everyone else as a human being first.”
Seeing myself as a human being has given me an inferiority complex. I look at what my fellow human beings do to each other and the environment and I am ashamed. Of course human beings do good things, too, but being human means that I only focus on the bad.
That old woman feels superior because everywhere she looks she sees niggers. And me? I feel inferior because everywhere I look I see human beings.
I couldn’t write because it was so cold my pencils froze. Is that an acceptable excuse?
The good thing about sub-zero temperatures is when the temperature goes up. Today the temperature went up to just above zero Celsius (32 Fahrenheit). Wow! What a heat wave! Zero Celsius is a heat wave compared to -35 Celsius (-31 Fahrenheit).
During the cold spell, I went to my high-school friend’s funeral. He had shed his mortal coil before Christmas, but the funeral was not until January 6.
(I have noticed a relationship between death and funerals. Almost every time someone dies, there is a funeral. This isn’t a coincidence.)
My friend’s funeral was mostly nice, but the presiding minister ruined the mood by carrying on and on and on. This is common for religious leaders to use a funeral as an opportunity to preach to the heathen. Why can’t these religious leaders realize that funerals are about the deceased and not about God? People come to honor the deceased. They do not come to hear how great God is, or how they better accept Jesus as their savior or else it’s Hell for Eternity.
My friend was the star of the show with God and Jesus having supporting roles. But the minister ruined the show by making God and Jesus stars and giving my friend a supporting role. The funeral was upbeat and moving with several people speaking words from their hearts. Some read from The Bible. Amongst the speakers were my friend’s son and daughter who gave a wonderful loving tribute to their father. What a positive note the funeral would have ended on if it had ended after the son and daughter’s tribute. Nope. The minister started preaching about God and Jesus and God and Jesus and God and Jesus blah, blah, blah . . . She had forgotten that people had come not to be preached at.
And while the minister went on and on and on, I wondered whether my friend was watching from above and thinking, “Is she going to stop soon?”
(I would have posted this blog yesterday, but the Toronto Public Library’s Internet had not thawed out from the cold snap.)
Santa surprised me! I received gifts for Christmas that I was not expecting. According to some people, I have not been a good boy because I am not doing what they think I should be doing. They know better than my gut feelings what is best for me. They judge me as stupid for following my gut feelings. It’s okay for me to follow my gut feelings as long as my gut feelings agree with what these people think I should be doing. They say, “Your gut feelings are wrong and don’t make sense.”
There is a Wisdom beyond logic and human understanding. This Wisdom often cannot be understood, but it can be experienced. Understanding is not needed to experience it, and the experience is beyond words.
My gut feelings do not make sense because they come from a place beyond words, beyond logic and beyond human understanding. They come from that Wisdom, and have caused me to experience some of that Wisdom.
The people who judge me as stupid for following my gut feelings are terrified to follow their own. They always look outside themselves to outside authority rather than listen to that still small voice inside. These people say, “If it can’t be proven by logic and science, then it is nonsense.” Words spoken in fear, methinks.
Imagine trying to judge the Wisdom of the Universe by human logic, human understanding and human science! That’s like a grain of sand judging all the beaches in the world.
I am not enlightened, but my gut feelings have brought me to a place where I feel spiritually abundant. From the time I was a teenager, thoughts of suicide used to lurk over my shoulder. I would always consider suicide as a possible option to solve whatever problem I was facing. Following my gut feelings has brought me to a place where suicide is not lurking anywhere. Now, I would never do myself in. I want to live. I enjoy every moment of my life—although there are times when I forget that I am enjoying every moment of my life.
My critics dismiss me when I tell them how following my gut has brought me to a place of spiritual abundance. They say, “How can you feel abundant when you don’t have a permanent home?” But their words and judgment cannot take away from my gratitude for the abundance in my life.
I am grateful for Santa’s gifts, but more so I am grateful for my spiritual abundance. I give thanks and I give thanks and I give thanks. Amen.
Judging by the facial expressions of my fellow public-transit travelers, you would never know that it was three days before Christmas. I did not see one happy face. They all had such tired and stressed-out looks. These people are thinking about all the work they have to do in order to have a Merry Christmas.
I hope those who wanted a White Christmas are happy. We got lots of snow, and there’s more on the way.
Instead of snow for a White Christmas, why not white sand? White sand on a beach with the hot sun blazing away. Doesn’t that sound like a nice White Christmas? Who needs snow? Santa Claus? No. He and his sled, with reindeer, fly. It does not matter what is on the ground.
I would wish you a Merry Christmas, but you will choose to have the kind of Christmas you want to have no matter what I say. Choose wisely.
No one stopped the world. Public transit is still overcrowded and has delays. Christmas is still coming. And my high-school buddy left his body, this morning, for a better climate.
Did you have to come so close to Christmas, Death? Your timing sucks. Couldn’t you have waited or not have come at all?
“Waited for what? I’m just doing my job. Besides, there is never a good time for me to come no matter how long I wait. You mortals don’t want me to do my job.”
You’re right. Can we continue this discussion when you come for me?
Do you know when that will be?
Can you tell me?
I thought you would say that. Can you let my friend know that I am grateful for his friendship and wish him well on his journey?”
I’m feeling out of sorts. I was feeling euphoric after my last blog on Friday. I always feel euphoric after I write something, but the euphoria had started to fade yesterday.
I couldn’t visit my high-school buddy, who has cancer, for a week because I had a cold. I had a cold because my immune system was down. My immune system was down because I was stressed out. I was stressed out because of the constant delays and overcrowding on public transit.
Delays and overcrowding used to just happen during rush hour. Now delays and overcrowding happen all day. All day! I don’t know why the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) can’t fix this. I let the delays and overcrowding get to me, and caught a cold.
And then there’s Christmas. I am not in the Christmas mood, but I am going through the motions.
Yesterday, I felt I was okay to visit my buddy. I found out that he is at a stage where he is no longer receiving visitors.
Stop The World – I Want To Get Off
Those words came to me upon finding out I couldn’t visit my friend. It’s the title of a musical.
I want to get off the world for a bit. When I get back on I want the TTC to have fixed the delays and overcrowding; I want Christmas to be over, and I want my high-school buddy to be up and about and telling people how he almost died from cancer.
I like to think of myself as a human being who happens to be black. Frequently I am reminded, by hateful stares, that I am black and only black and that’s that.
Racism is pinned on white people. It’s as if only white people are racist. Racism is a human problem. All human beings can be racist, but white people are blamed for all the racism in the world. Racism is overlooked when it comes from a non-white person. There’s a double standard.
Several East Indian cashiers, at the two grocery stores I frequent, always give me hateful stares and will go out of their way to make things difficult for me. I try to avoid going to them, but sometimes I can’t.
The cashiers’ treatment and hateful stares reminded me that Gandhi, India’s great leader of freedom, was a racist. He saw black people as “savage.” My, my, Gandhi’s image has been whitewashed.
The other morning, I got on the elevator at College Park. An old white woman (Eastern European?) and an East Indian man got on with me. Both gave me hateful stares. I stood between them. To my right was the old white woman staring at me with hatred. To my left was the East Indian man staring at me with hatred. I turned and smiled at both, but they kept their hateful stares. (I am known for bringing out the best in people.) I was only going one floor, but it was a long elevator ride.
How wonderful that people from other countries come to Canada and bring their racist views with them. This is what allows Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to say, “Diversity is Canada’s Strength.” And I experienced an example of Canada’s diversity by having a white woman and a brown man hate me at the same time.
Why is the U.S. media obsessed with what goes on in Canadian politics? Americans were glued to their seats watching the U.S. media report on the four by-elections in Canada. The Liberals won three of the four elections with the Conservatives winning one.
U.S. media coverage of Canadian elections overshadowed a recent election in Alabama. I’m not sure who won.
And what’s with the U.S. media covering everything Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says and does. Trudeau can’t even go to the bathroom without the U.S. media reporting on how long he took and how much toilet paper he used.
If American politics wasn’t so boring, then the U.S. media would report on it instead of being obsessed with what goes on in Canada.
How easy for me to notice when other people cause their own problems. They self-sabotage. Some people will ask me for advice, argue with me when I give it to them, and then ignore it by choosing another course of action. The action they choose always makes matters worse for them. Then they whine and blame other people for the trouble they caused themselves.
These people are on a merry-go-round of self-sabotage. Round and round they go. They will come to me again to help them out of problems they created. They love drama and will go to great lengths to create it and wallow in it.
It took me awhile, but I’m aware of what they are doing. I don’t always get on their merry-go-round when they come to me for help. Besides, I am busy causing my own problems so I can complain and blame and wallow in my pain.
The more I look at other people, the more I see my self. How nice of these people to act as a mirror for me.
Here is what the Next Vehicle Information board looked like at the Sheppard West Subway Station on Saturday December 9, 2017, at 7:54 p.m. When working, this board gives the bus routes and times the buses are expected to arrive. Obviously there was some problem with no information showing.
Is the hashtag indicative of what the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) thinks about its customers when TTC equipment malfunctions?