How disappointing that the world did not end today. Now I have to do laundry.
Religious people are quick to quote from The Bible with their predictions of the world ending. And when you confront them with the fact that the world did not end as they predicted, they quote Matthew 24:36 where Jesus said, ““But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only.” If no one knows the day or hour, then why do religious people keep using other parts of The Bible to predict the world ending?
What about the predicted date, September 23? When they said that the world would end on September 23, they did not say in which time zone. It is now, in Toronto, Saturday September 23 at 4:30 p.m. But in Mumbai, it is Sunday September 24 at 2:00 a.m. It would have been Saturday September 23 in Mumbai before it was Saturday September 23 in Toronto. Would the world have ended in Mumbai first, and slowly worked through all the time zones?
Never mind The Bible, psychics, scientists or prophets. I, Gary Johnston, will accurately predict when the world will end. Are you ready?
The world will end when the world ends.
There! You read it here first.
It’s okay if the world ends tomorrow because I have seen everything.
Yesterday, at the YMCA, I saw an old man walking to his locker which was close to mine. He was naked. A silver flash, from between his legs, caught my eye. I couldn’t believe it! He had a large silver ring with a large silver ball piercing the tip of his penis causing it to swing like a clapper. If his thighs were metal, then he would have sounded like a church bell.
I don’t understand. You take a body part that already has a hole in it, and put another hole in it near the first hole. Then you take a large silver ring with a large silver ball and push it through the second hole. It’s hard for me to see the advantage of doing this since I don’t even like wearing rings on my fingers. And the thought of piercing my manhood? Ouch!
The old man must love hanging low and swinging to and fro.
Oh well, my life is complete. There is nothing more for me to see.
What if I am wrong? What if the world really does end this Saturday? Where will the naysayers be to say, “See? We told you so.”
Where will I be if the world ends? Somewhere close to public transit and shopping I hope.
Oh no! The world is going to end—again. On Saturday September 23, 2017, Planet X will crash into Earth thereby ruining some people’s plans for the day.
Planet X, or Niburu, was first mentioned by Zecharia Sitchin in his book The 12th Planet. Aliens, called Annunaki, came from Nibiru and created human beings as slaves to help mine the Earth’s gold. Sitchin used ancient Sumerian texts as the basis for his theories.
Planet X was supposed to crash into Earth in 2003. When that didn’t happen, the prediction was that it would do so on December 21, 2012. I don’t think that happened either. Now it is supposed to happen, for sure, this Saturday come rain or shine. Some claim that the recent hurricanes and earthquakes are warnings that the end is near.
This gives us 4 days to prepare for the end of the world. But how does one prepare for the end of the world? Return library books to avoid late fees? File income taxes? Stand still and wait until it’s time to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye?
I guess I won’t be ready for the end of the world. For the next 4 days, I will carry on as usual. I will even buy green bananas because on Sunday September 24, all of us will be carrying on as usual.
“It’s about time!”
I know Blog. We last met on August 24th.
“That’s over three weeks ago. What were you doing for the past three weeks?”
Thinking about writing while staring at a wall.
“What? Were you in jail?”
“A mental hospital?”
“You just stared at a wall?”
Yes, I do that sometimes when I brood.
“Where was the wall?”
At a place where I was staying.
“And what were you brooding over?”
How I should be writing. The more I did not write, the more I brooded over how I should be writing.
“Less thinking and more doing might be a good plan.”
Yes, it would be.
“Well, I’m glad we finally met today. I was beginning to feel like a single woman at a gay male bar. When will I see you again?”
Soon, I hope, soon.
I follow my Inner Guidance. My Inner Guidance doesn’t always guide me to do things that make sense, but it is always right in the end. No matter how many signs I receive from the Universe that my Inner Guidance is right, I still have doubt—especially when I am being guided to do something that does not make sense.
Recently I decided to ask the Universe for a sign that I am on the right path. I requested this and then walked in a ravine hoping some miraculous sign would appear. The sign could appear in the sky, or perhaps an angel could appear on my path saying, “Gary, you’re on the right path and doing the right stuff.” As I walked, I often said out loud, “Please, Universe, give me a sign. Please, Universe, give me a sign.”
And lo and behold, there it was right on my path! The Universe gave me a sign! It wasn’t what I was expecting, but it was a sign. It was an old, rusted sign on the ground saying, “No Trespassing.”
On Tuesday, a non-Asian man stared at me in the shower at the YMCA. He wore black-framed glasses. I could see him with a pen pouch full of pens in his shirt pocket, and not dressed in the latest style. In other words, he looked like a geek.
He just stood and stared while the shower water bounced off his back. He never washed or moved. He had lust in his eyes. I tried to enjoy my shower, but found his staring disturbing. I did my best to ignore him, finished my shower, and left with him still standing and staring.
On Wednesday, an Asian man stared at me in the shower. He was not wearing glasses. Unlike Tuesday’s geek, this man moved and showered. At times his head faced me while the front of his body faced the wall. Once again, I found it disturbing the way he kept staring at me. He, too, stayed in the shower after I finished.
Today, an Asian man wearing black-framed glasses stared at me. He, too, moved while showering. At times his head turned 180 degrees to keep me in his gaze.
This is payback for all the times I made women feel uncomfortable by gawking at them. I now understand how uncomfortable they felt.
I promise never to stare at another woman again—at least not long stares. Perhaps just a few polite quick gawks so the women don’t feel uncomfortable.
In the meantime, I will endure my fate giving thanks that all the men do is stare at me, and don’t do anything else.
Every year I go back-to-school shopping. I’m not at school, but I like to buy paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies and more paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies. I must make sure that I never run out of paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies.
Imagine that I am writing up a storm. The words are just pouring out of me. I’m in the flow. I can’t let go. And then suddenly I run out of paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies. What a tragedy! My work of genius lost because I ran out of paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies. This will never happen because make sure I have backup supplies for my backup supplies for my backup supplies for my backup supplies, and then some.
Do you think that if I didn’t spend so much time buying paper, pens, pencils and other writing supplies, I would find more time to write?
There are over 100 steps to the various workout floors at the YMCA. One of the activities for the children’s program is to have the children go up and down the stairs several times.
While on my way to a workout level, I passed two seven-year-old boys huffing and puffing on their second trip up the stairs. One boy said to the other, “Gosh, going down the stairs is a lot easier than going up the stairs.”
What insight! Experience is a great teacher.
The boy was only 7 years old. His whole life is ahead of him. How many symbolic stairs will he have to climb during his lifetime? Will he ever discover that it is not what happens to him that affects him, but how he views what happens to him? Will he learn that with the proper attitude, going up these stairs does not have to be difficult?